Personal diary entry #145

Hello! So many things have happened in my life so far. Like, ending up in the mental hospital again around November after my car crash accident. This is because I couldn't get to my daily niacin supplement... Now I am trying to recover from the prescription drugs I have taken that was supposedly supposed to help me ... Mentally. But. The drugs did not make me feel good! I also lost connection with my body and my belly was looking like I was pregnant all the time! I couldn't even play video games and winning was hard. Heard that it lowers your dopamine so that explains my lack of rewarding pleasure in everything. So I had to quickly come up with a solution to solve my problem with impulse control. I remembered the one movie called culture high where a little boy suffered from seizures everyday. Until his father found cbd. It saved his life, and stopped his seizures. He was also on lots of prescription drugs. And so I was desperate to stop taking prescription drugs so I bought some cbd too. I'll have to say, that hopefully cbd is more natural than niacin and does prevent me from paranoia and suspicious behaviors. And I really do think that it's helped. Another good thing is that it's in liquid form so I just keep it in my bedroom.

I also got a blood test done after a while of being on these new prescription drugs... (4mg) of risperidol (I feel that is way too much) and it showed that my hemoglobin was lower than average but just by about 1-2 digits. I googled what it was and it shows its responsible for bringing oxygen to your brain in your blood. As the days passed by I realized that I might actually be a little anemic. I didn't think much of it until just recently, the not being able to breathe (I would be trying to take deep and deeper breaths but stl didn't bring enough oxygen into my brain) happened. It has felt like I was going to faint or die from lack of oxygen flowing to the brain if I didn't do somegthing. And I figured that I should have enough iron levels because I eat lots of real food. So it must be the b12 since I am vegan. I know that you can make it in your gut but I needed something to fix this as I probably wouldn't be able to absorb much b12 since I just got off using strong prescription drugs. And well what do you know, the b12 supplement has improved my quality of life by milestones! I feel like I am doing more and best of all can breath normally. In fact, I have been able to start (that's easy) and actually FINISH (that's hard) sewing pieces of fabric! I just made my very own hemp pencil case using scraps from hemptraders.com (that sites awesome). I wanted to put all my toxic utensils in it and store it in my car. I didn't want them to be in the house anymore... I can feel the it in the air that it is toxic. And if you have read my essay that I wrote about earlier, you will know why. I vow to never buy anymore plastic pens and pencils! They can be so toxic that you don't even want to use them. Many things feel very unnatural when using these types. There's a huge difference when you're holding an organic stick versus a plastic pencil. Also, the reason why I decided to put these utensils in a hemp bag is because I was watching videos about these hemp concrete walls and found out that the hemp fibers actually store carbon or something from the air. I just know that if you put natural organic chemical free fabric on something toxic, it will be 'neutralized' in a sense. 

Anyways, around the time of my car crash... I think... I also got a new mattress! But not just any old conventional mattress... But an organic 100% natural latex free of chemicals! Along with my pillow. It was great! While on niacin, I wouldn't get uncomfortable red and itchy while on the mattress. I suggest that you also switch to one to if you haven't already done so... Because you spend a good part of your life on that mattress.